becausepandas

I was looking back at yearbooks and stuff from back when I was in elementary school. Aside from it being absolutely freaking adorable, I was reminded of how much I loved reading and writing at a young age.

And that really made me think. I still love both, almost ten years later, but how much do I really do it? I take creative writing and honors English and love reading and writing in my free time, so why do I feel like I have to know things about math and science to a great extent if that's not my main interest, just because people I'm close to do? So what if I'm not taking AP bio next year or Algebra II over the summer? It's my choice what direction I take academically, and ever since I was a kid I've loved reading and writing.  I do like science and math, but not as much as reading and writing.

If I ever post anything soon, expect text. Just my rant, thanks.

Holy shit, I still have unread messages in my inbox wishing me a Merry Christmas. Jesus.

So, uh, yeah. Might come on a bit more, can't promise anything though.

....Mhmm!

I don't really come on here anymore, do I?

I've considered making a new account, or possibly getting premium so I can change my name.  You can still do that, right? Okay.
So uh.. Yeah.

EDIT: I went premuim! Thanks a ton !

This has been on my mind a lot lately.  I care way too much about what other people think.  I let their opinions affect my own.  Mostly with little things that don't matter, but some other things, too.  For instance, I wasn't really into reading things like lord of the rings.  But my friend says she likes it, and automatically my brain says 'I want to read that' when really, I'm not that interested.  Even with things Taylor Swift says!!  She mentions something about tron, 'I want to see that'.  It's been ever since I was younger.  My best friend Sarah was new in school in like 2nd grade, and for some reason I just felt like I had to impress her.  We were both in this reading group thing and did this one worksheet that had to do with our own opinions, where we had to make these decisions on what character is like what and so on.  We were checking it in the group time thing, and every time she did or didn't raise her hand when the teacher was tallying who said what, I would do the exact same thing.  I was seven.  Whether I thought it would make her like me so we could be friends, or I wanted her to think it was cool that we had the same answers even thought we had a lot of different ones, I'm not sure.  All I know is that it was the beginning of changing myself so people would like me.  And I really didn't need to.  Sarah is one of the nicest people I know, we would've been best friends today either way.  My worksheet answers that one day 6 years ago had no impact.  I've always sort of subconsciously looked up to her, wanted to be like her.

And I can't even help caring about what others think now.  In sixth grade, I just made such a fool of myself.  In little ways, but in so many little ways that now I cringe just thinking about it.  So now I just get everyone's input on what I should do and make a decision on that.  I tell myself to just be myself, but it's been so long, I have trouble figuring out what that is anymore.  For instance, my school this year is doing candy heart grams and chocolate bar grams for Valentine's day this year.  I already sent one candy heart gram to the boy that I like.  The hearts are going to be delivered in first hour Valentine's day and the candy bars seventh, so I thought I could get away with sending him both.  I asked Sarah if it would seem stalker-ish.  She said yes.  And I was disappointed, I thought it would be fine.  But then I thought, 'No, it is stalker-ish. I should just stick with the candy hearts.' But that's just it- I wanted to send him both.  But someone said it'd be weird, and I'm afraid of being embarrassed, so I'm not going to do it, even though deep down I almost want to.  See? I just can't help it anymore.

It's like the song by Michelle Branch from 2002.
I wanted
to be like you
I wanted
everything
so I tried
to be like you
and I got
swept away

I'm making a conscious effort to stick with my gut.  No more doing what others think, it's all what I want to do, no matter what my friends or Taylor Swift or anyone else thinks.  And you may be thinking this is stupid. But guess what? I sincerely don't give a fuck.

So this is originally from tumblr and I wanted to do it but I couldn't T.T so here we go:

    1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.
Caramel dansen- Caramell (OH YEAH PROVING MY AWESOMENESS)
Love Story- Taylor Swift
Just the way you are- Bruno Mars
I caught myself- Paramore
Raise your glass- P!nk
Stay beautiful- Taylor Swift
    2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
Taylor Swift. And smosh.
    3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
'pulling up his shirt. "I scored three field goals that night."'
    4) What do you think about most?
A lot of stuff.
    5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?
"Still ur face... sooooooo funny."
    6) Do you sleep with or without on?
I'm gonna assume you meant pajamas, and on.
    7) What's your strangest talent?
I can sit in the same spot for 8 hours with my DS and not get bored.
    8) Girls.... (finish the sentence); Boys.... (finish the sentence)
Girls are pretty nice when they aren't jerks.  Boys are pretty nice when they aren't jerks.
    9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
Don't think so
    10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?
Yesterday in the car
    11) Do you have any strange phobias?
Moths, birds (up close), and fish.
    12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
rice, once
    13) What's your religion?
Jewish
    14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
Trying to get inside XD
    15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
In front I guess, but I like both
    16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
The Swift Agency.
    17) What was the last lie you told?
idk
    18) Do you believe in karma?
sort of
    19) What does your URL mean?
(remember guys this is from tumblr)
    20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
weakness: the people I love.  strength: loving the people I love.
    21) Who is your celebrity crush?
Ohhhh gosh..... Jim Parsons. Yes, my celebrity crush is the guy that plays Sheldon on the big bang theory. don't judge me. Oh and Anthony from Smosh!!!!!!
    22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
NO.
    23) How do you vent your anger?
Scream into and punch a pillow.
    24) Do you have a collection of anything?
ehh not particularly
    25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
video chatting! It's cool :]
    26) Are you happy with the person you've become?
yeah, I'm pretty awesome.
    27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?
hate: people crying. love: the laughter of my friends and family *d'awww*
    28) What's your biggest "what if"?
What if your life is a lie?
    29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
Hahahaaa... yes to both.
    30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
Right: Chair. Left: T.V.
    31) Smell the air. What do you smell?
Fruity pebbles!
    32) What's the worst place you have ever been to?
I'm really not sure.
    33) Choose: East Coast or West Coast?
Don't care
    34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
Anyone that isn't Justin Bieber.
    35) To you, what is the meaning of life?
42.
    36) Define: Art.
Undefinable.
    37) Do you believe in luck?
Yes!
    38) What's the weather like right now?
Cold as
    39) What time is it?
5:08 pm
    40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
Noooooooope
    41) What was the last book you read?
Simon's cat: on the fence
    42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?
uhhh not really no
    43) Do you have any nicknames?
Halo, but only friends and family call me that sometimes.
    44) What was the last movie you saw?
I think it was Anchorman: the legend of Ron Burgundy
    45) What's the worst injury you've ever had?
Well when I was 5 I broke my front tooth almost in half while at the same time hitting the back of my head on a brick wall....
    46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?
Probably not
    47) Do you have any obsessions right now?
Taaaaaylooooor Swiiiiiiiift
    48) What's your sexual orientation?
I'm straight
    49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
Umm not that I can think of really
    50) Do you believe in magic?
eh
    51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
it depends on what they did...
    52) What is your astrological sign?
Caprocorn ^^
    53) Do you save money or spend it?
haha both but mostly spend XD
    54) What's the last thing you purchased?
REMOTE CONTROL HELICOPTER :woot:
    55) Love or lust?
Love
    56) In a relationship?
no
    57) How many relationships have you had?
........
    58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
nooo
    59) Where were you yesterday?
Sitting in my living room for 8 hours playing with my ds XP
    60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
Yep
    61) Are you wearing socks right now?
nope
    62) What's your favorite animal?
Narwhals, elephants, and PANDAS!!!
    63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
I don't really have one
    64) Where is your best friend?
I have a lot of best friends, so idk, home probably?
    65) Spit or swallow?(;
I don't feel comfortable answering this.
    66) What is your heritage?
Well I know I'm Russian and Polish
    67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
ds...
    68) What do you think is Satan's last name?
idk
    69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?
Haha, this one is #69
    70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
... yeah.
    71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
NO DOGGY DIES TONIGHT
    72) You are at the doctor's office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?
a) yes
b) be awesome, ask out the person I like, do some cool stuff
c) uh yeah
    73) You can only have one of these things: trust or love.
Can you truly have one without the other?
    74) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
Stay beautiful- Taylor Swift
    75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?
0400
    76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?
True love. and flowers, flowers are pretty (jk but they are pretty)
    77) How can I win your heart?
Well depends, who are you?
    78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?
ho yeah.
    79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
I really don't know
    80) What size shoes do you where?
7
    81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger... yeah right."
    82) What is your favorite word?
colorful
    83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word: heart.
love
    84) What is a saying you say a lot?
I don't really have one but "all you need is love"?
    85) What's the last song you listened to?
Happy cow, happy cow, you must always play! (I friggin love smosh...!!!)
    86) Basic question: what's your favorite color/colors?
sky/darkish blue, aqua, and light pink
    87) What is your current desktop picture?
My cat in the Christmas tree XD
    88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?
Everyone on Jersey Shore. GET OFF MY TV.
    89) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?
anything along the lines of 'who do you like?' or something like that. Because I'm strange.
    90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?
go back to sleeeeeep. I'm dreeeeeeaming.
    91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
FLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYING!!!!!!!!!!!!
    92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
the last half hour of the Valentine's dance last year.
    93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
OOhhhhhh god, lemme choose....
    94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?
I'm going to choose to ignore this question.
    95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
Nashville!!!!!
    96) Do you have any relatives in jail?
Don't think so
    97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?
no
    98) Ever been on a plane?
let's see, 1, 2..... 6 times.
    99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?
Enough hate! You're ruining the planet, shut yo faces!!
    100) Give me your top 5 favorite blogs on Tumblr.
(Remember this is from tumblr)